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Web Zine for Everyone...literature , poetry , spoken word, music ,graphics, Lovers of the Arts , advertisement etc...

FEATURED Comedian Eugene M Brad

Eugene is a natural his writings/skits are akin to Paul Mooney satire surreal comedy you can feel

 

Random Babble 2011

Vol. 1

 

I wonder what people's faces are gonna look like when the leader of the "Free" world declares war on the hood next.

Think about it, they're getting at all of the brown countries. Only thing left after that is the brown people here.

I'm wondering why my Knicks keep losing. I think it's a toss-up between the coach being a dick and the owner being

nutts. They both need to take their genitalia show on the road. Why are celebrities dying on the 25 of the month and

disaster strikes only on the 11th? Lemme stop that shit before I get tased like the white boy on that youtube video.

"Don't tase me, Bro!!" NEWSFLASH!! Those aren't your Bros....

 

I'm in Newark,N.J. and they still drink MD 20/20. That shit looks like Nuclear Kool-Aid. They even got Thunderbird and

Night-train in the liquor store. Not to mention Cisqo... YIKES!! I see a Calvin Cooler and I'm OUT!!! Dudes out here

Poppin' big bottles of Boones like it's Ace of Spades. Seriously???????

 

I love that one hot day out of the week. I saw some of the phattest asses that day. It be some secrets hidden under those

winter coats. I don't know what it is about a phat ass, but it's a sight to behold. Hate to reduce you down to your shit

shooter, but its done with the greatest of love and admiration, ladies.. Slow motion for me(4xs)

 

I love ex-girlfriends that still wanna bone me even if I don't feel the same way. Call it sick twisted vindication. YEAH,

like you never felt that way.. Biz Markie didn't make "The Vapors" for nothing..

 

Wanna have some fun?? Get a sidity mofo drunk and videotape it. Then, when they're sober and back on their sidity shit,

press play.

 

Gimmie the BIG BITCH!! Not the BIGGEST BITCH, the BIG BITCH!!!

 

At one point in my life I thought I was a ladies man. Then I realized I'm just a magnet for pity sex.  BUMMER!!!

Still getting it though so that's a bittersweet plus.

 

One day, this man walked into a camera store. He asked to see the latest spy cam out. The salesman handed him the best one

and said,"Press Play and witness the quality of the pre-recorded video." The customer was shocked at what he saw.... Read at

least 5 of my notes and I'll post the punch-line.. Don't you love it when strings are attached?

 

I got sucked into watching Basketball Wives. See what booty makes men do sometimes. It was rather entertaining to see the

aftermath of Pro ballers sex lives. None of these broads are wives to anyone. Not even the one that was still married.

Now, there are little girls everywhere watching 5th grade boys play ball like AAU scouts. Can you say Nikki Swayze from

"Lottery Ticket"?

 

I'd like to take this time to shout out all the Brothers that decided to pull their pants up for the new year.

 

What's the sense of having on a Gucci belt if you have on an Old Navy T-Shirt???

 

Uggs are like roaches.. They just won't fucking DIE. Once you see knock-offs in Pathmark, it's time to let it go.

 

I was really thinking; If we drink more water, our piss wouldn't be so strong. Then, when they recycle the toilet

water for us to drink it again, maybe we won't need those Brita filters. Nevermind...

 

I wonder who's still trying to bone their first MYSPACE chick.

 

On a more serious note.. Isn't Family Dollar the shit? It's like Woolworth came out of the hole and knocked up

a bunch of 99 cent stores.

 

LACE FRONT WIGS= GINORMOUSLY EPIC FAIL!!!!!

 

I'm really loving Just Dance 2 for the Wii. Great way to work up a sweat. My best dance is for Snap's "I Got the Power."

Would've been better with the Chill Rob G. version though.

 

R.I.B. Nate Dogg!!! Your voice in Hip-Hop will be missed sorely. I guess it's time to bring back D.V. Alias Christ.

 

Time to close up shop on this one. Good to be back. Let's see how long this one lasts....

 

(C) 2011 E.B.R.A.D.

 

Goinability Baby!!

 

Freaky Bastards!!!

 
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FEATURED Comedian Ray Dyke Jr.

Ray is a comedian /writer from Va .Here is one of His Fantastic Blogs. He can be found on Facebook.

 

 
To all my fathers out there (especially tha’ ones who have daughters), I present somethin’ that should help ya’....and make ya’ laugh at tha' same time !!

 

 

Dr. Sugar Ray Presents: ”Daddy's Rules for Dating”

 

Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy): If you wanna’ entertain any THOUGHT of a POSSIBILITY of MAYBE havin’ a PRAYER of a slight CHANCE of bein’ able to even HOPE to get through ME in order to be even REMOTELY CONSIDERED to be in tha’ RUNNIN’ for a DECISION regardin’ a date wit’ MY DAUGHTER, you’ll do well to read these several times...a minute !!

 

..of EVERY HOUR !! ..of EVERY DAYUMMM DAY !! ..fo’ tha’ REST OF YA’ LIFE til’ I say otherwise !!

 

 

Read ‘em….write ‘em down….tape ‘em to tha’ backs of yo’ eyelids….memorize ‘em….recite and chant ‘em in several different languages even !!

 

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

 

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will removethem.

 

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

 

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

 

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: “early”.

 

 

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

 

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

 

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

 

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

 

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine !!

 

Now adhere to these and we don’t have a problem….but break ANY of these rules and we have more than a problem...we have a 911 phone call to be made !!

 

 

In ADDITION to followin' tha' RULES, here’s what ANY and EVERY MALE ( of any age, at any age ) will get from me whenever they so much as LOOK in tha’ general direction of either of my girls...THEY (boys) don’t have to like it….however I like it !! And since I’M DAD, what I SAY GOES !! It’s THAT simple !!

 

 

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

 

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

 

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

 

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

 

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

 

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

 

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

 

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: __________________________________________________- ___________ __________________________________________________- ___________________

 

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

 

If less than your age, explain __________________________________________________- __________________

 

__________________________________________________- __________________

 

 

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

 

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

 

B. A truck with over-sized tires? __Yes __No

 

C. A water-bed? __Yes __No

 

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

 

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

 

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

 

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

 

ESSAY SECTION:

 

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

 

REFERENCES SECTION:

 

Church you attend __________________________________________________- _

 

How often you attend ________________________________________________

 

When would be the best time to interview your:

 

father? _____________

 

mother? _____________

 

pastor? _____________

 

 

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

 

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

 

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

C: A woman's place is in the:

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

 

__________________________________________________- ____________

 

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

 

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

 

 

__________________________________________________- _______ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

 

 

_______________________________ ________________________________ Mother's Signature Father's Signature

 

_______________________________ ________________________________ Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

 

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

 

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

 

 

‘Nuff said...

 

 

Class Dismissed !!

Sugar Ray D.

 

** "Tali Boo-Boo"...I miss and love yooouuu !! R.I.P. **

 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 1998-2010 "I Got JOKES"...Dr. Sugar Ray/Sugar Ray D.

 

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